Retailers have warned that no deal will lead to increases in food prices and empty shelves. This headline is a wonderful mixture of Project Fear (starvation, as well as the Civil unrest on a par with wartime Europe) and naked commercial opportunism, as Brexit represents a great opportunity for big retailers to hike prices and blame the government and Brexiteers.

In fact, 70% of food consumed in the UK does NOT come from Europe. Ironically, that which does, and is also the focus of empty shelves because of transport delays, is precisely the sort of food (fresh vegetables) the government tries to persuade the populace to eat more of, but which they resolutely resist doing so. [Incidentally, it’s not clear that why the shelves would have nothing on them at all (“empty”, remember?) when 50% of food is local.]

Grumpy would be pretty happy to eat just bread rolls and tinned soup for a few months (which he essentially does anyway) but to add variety he was heartened to learn that Unilever was stockpiling Magnum and “Ben and Jerrys” ice cream to maintain stocks in the case of no deal. This is not only welcome, but certainly more positive than the government’s recent assessment that the effect of no deal wold be similar to Europe wide war. [Surely the most extreme Project fear statement yet from May’s Civil Service – see Grumpy’s post on this pronouncement.]

Thus those happy with local food can also all indulge in an Almond Magnum as troops on the streets (invoked under a revised Civil Contingencies Act 2004) shoot hapless citizens found guilty of looting the last tub of Chabichou du Poitou from Tesco.

In fact, eliminating the malodorous French slime masquerading as ‘cheese’ would indeed be a welcome by-product of no deal.